| Once, browsing at the Goodwill store for flower pots and old vases, I came across
a yard decoration that just took my breath away. It was a tiny, sleeping baby nestled in massive wings. It was the kind of
thing that makes you exhale just looking at it. A very peaceful sight to behold. We have a few angels in our yard and this
was just too precious to pass up. So, for $5 I got to take it home! It's kind of funny what you find when your looking for
something else. I took it home, cleaned it up a little and placed it in the front flower bed on some rocks to elevate it.
The reason it is so precious to me is because 23 years ago, we miscarried a child at 3 months and it reminds me that our baby
is resting in peaceful sleep. When he wakes at the rapture, he will be whole. The wings remind me of who's cradling him. Heavenly
wings soft and gentle. The rocks lift up the figurine, so we can see it better. Sometimes I can't wait to get to Heaven to
hold him.
There was a long period of time that the remembrance of the loss stirred
up emotional pain. It was difficult for me to see any love in it, at all. That is, until I placed that pain in God's hands.
Over time and in prayerful stillness, He explained it to me. That still small voice comforted me. When the miscarriage was
happening, I asked God to please allow me to hold him for just a few moments then, bargaining with God, I said He could take
him. God is the giver of life. He both gives and takes away, but how could I say, in this, Blessed be the name of the Lord?
(Job 1:21) Children and babies are automatic citizens of Heaven if they pass away. This includes all the MRDD adults and down's
syndrome individuals, too. The simple minded and the sucklings perfect the praise of God. (see Mt. 21:16) David also lost
a child and He prayed, too. But the answer was no. David found peace in knowing that one day, he'd go to be with his son again.(2
Sam.22,23) God's answer for me was no. But was it really?
2 Cor. 1:20, tells us that all the promises of God in Christ are yes
and amen, (so be it). So, in this tragedy, how was His "no" answer still a "yes" promise? To want to hold my baby but not
get to, how was this a 'so be it'? God is a spirit and I was asking for a fleshly keeping of this baby, if even for but a
moment. The promise of God's everlasting love and loving kindness, Jer.31:3, the promise to do me good and not evil,
Jer.29:11, the promise that nothing can separate me from the love of God, Rom.8:35, the promise that all things work together
for my good, Rom. 8:28, all speak of eternal, heavenly promises. There's more where those came from. God knows it would've
been harder for us to lose him once we held him in the flesh. That baby's spirit is with God right now. God's promises
are regarding eternal things. He is an eternal God. My baby is kept by a promise and in God's presence, where he rests,
is fullness of joy. (Ps.16:11)
Whose to say that the grown man in that boy would've made the choice of Christ
as his Savior? Spiritually speaking, had he lived and grown and not become a Christian I would have lost him at length, to
never meet him in my Homeland, much less hold him. The above mentioned promises are but a few of thousands He made to me.
God has not given me direct answers, but He has given me direct promises! So I stopped asking for answers
and started claiming the promises. When I stopped looking at it as an earthly loss and realized it was a Heavenly gain, the
answer NO became the promised YES. My request became a "so be it". It wasn't that God changed His mind. He never changes.
He changed me!
God is so much deeper than our shallow minds are able to perceive. Do you
think He may know what it feels like to loose a son? He sent His to die for mine! Though it was Christ's purpose, Father God
was deeply grieved. He had to turn His face away. The sky grew dark at the turn of His head and the earth shook! He grieves
deeper, loves deeper, thinks deeper, keeps longer and speaks softer. Seems as though after I got His insight, my outlook changed
about it. He bound up the wounds of my broken heart and gave me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, a garment of
praise for the spirit of heaviness.(Is.61:3) I have a baby boy waiting for me. Instead of a moment to hold him, I will have
all eternity!
I see it in a whole new perspective. I wanted to keep him. God said,
"so be it". It's saturated with eternal love and lasting promises. I found a heart shaped rock yesterday, among the pebbles
of our driveway and I painted it red and placed it on the rocks that hold the figurine. Seems like after I found that one
heart shaped rock, one expression of love in a hard place, hundreds of them appeared! I wasn't looking for the love in
my loss but once I realized it was there all along, I saw love everywhere. It's all around me and solid as a rock!
******
It's funny what you find when your looking for something else,
but it's phenomenal what you find when you let God change your perspective! My eyes were filled with lovely things when I
remembered promises of the Altogether Lovely One.
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"Suffer the little children to come to me and forbid them not; for such is the Kingdom
of Heaven"---Jesus, Mt.19:14 |
